“When is it safe again?”,  you may wonder when your mind, body, and soul have been violated after abuse.  Whether the abuse was emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual and whether it happened long ago or yesterday, one time or too many to count – when we experience a violation of our dignity, our safety, our trust – what is ours by right, is taken.  Healing is a coming home to yourselfTo that wholeness inside that no one can take from you, but in surviving abuse in the necessary ways that you have, you may find it hard to recognize the true you.


Do you believe some of the harmful messages you’ve been fed?  You may have believed that it was even on some level, about you.  That it was your fault.  “If you only… hadn’t angered him.”  “If you only… hadn’t made any mistakes ever”  “If you only… hadn’t been at the wrong place at the wrong time.”  Abuse is NEVER your fault.  And if you’ve believed it is, that’s okay too.  Unlearning the lies of abuse, is where healing begins. Call Today 714 334 2457


If Abuse lives in your home, it may feel like you are constantly trying to move around a monster that gobbles up every good thing in sight. Its a confusing, isolating, paralyzing experience that too many have to come to know as their “normal”.

If Abuse lives in your home, you tread carefully and you never sleep soundly. Holidays “as seen on TV” work to only amplify your sense of disconnection and despair as you contrast the happiness and ease you read on people’s faces with the plastic mask that you’ve come to wear on your own.

Its important to know, there is help and you don’t need to go through this alone. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) for help and resources. If you are someone who knows of abuse that lives in someone’s home, you can be an ally by informing yourself of the rules and patterns that Abuse relies on to live and grow.

Abuse in all its forms follows the same rules, the same patterns and has only one goal – Allowing the abuser to MAINTAIN POWER AND CONTROL:

  1. It relies on you and others not calling it by its true name: Abuse.
  2. It feeds on the distorted belief that the abuser is entitled to insult, demean, retaliate, physically coerce or harm its target(s) to maintain their asserted privilege of power and control.
  3. It grows best in dark, secret places and it is most afraid of the light. This is why it is so important for target(s) to be supported and believed when they finally break the silence.
  4. It cripples its target(s), by systematically eroding self-esteem and under mining any signs of strength. In this way, it creates a prison of erroneous and negative assumptions in its target(s) and less effort may be necessary to maintain privilege and dominance.
  5. It recruits unwitting others to support its growth through creating a story where “Abuse was deserved”or through painting a picture of “shared fault” or “equal blame” – leading well meaning others to blame the target(s) or to become complicit with Abuse through a stance of “neutrality”. Its important to understand why neutrality is satisfactory to the abuser. As it is unlikely to disrupt deeply entrenched patterns or assist in freeing its hostages, in this way neutrality colludes with the goal of Abuse which is always that of allowing the abuser to maintain power and control.

If Abuse lives in your home – know you deserve kindness, you deserve both emotional and physical safety, and you deserve all the help you need to take back your life. Call or text today.  You don’t need to walk through this alone.