LOSING YOUR MOM AT A YOUNG AGE
The sorrow of an early loss of this magnitude can be difficult for many to comprehend. A mother represents home, center, feeling nurtured, being sustained. The age you were, the circumstances, the ability of other’s to hear you and support you through your loss, influences the trajectory of your healing after impact. But there is no question that the impact forever alters one’s path.
SOME CHARACTERISTICS THAT MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS SHARE INCLUDE:
- Unrealistic or exceedingly high standard for oneself as a mother
- Feeling bewildered about what it means to be “a good mother”
- Over protectiveness of her own children
- Giving one’s children what she did not receive
- Compulsive vigilance or anxious preoccupation about dying and leaving children “motherless”
- Keeping vigilant records or scrap books for one’s own children “just in case”
- Striving for a vague perfection off of imperfect memories
Adapted from “A Lingering Sense of Loss” (2006)
NEVER KNEW YOUR MOTHER?
Grieving what never was and memories that do not exist is an ache that can be difficult to name, because it has existed perhaps before you even had the words to name it. Each reminder through tenderness observed and hurts tended to by a mother for her child, can sting in a way that defies description. Holidays – but most of all Mother’s Day – are difficult. You wonder, who would I be if she were here? Who was she? Am I like her? Would she, did she love me? The unanswered questions become a part of you as a loss that has no name.
RECENTLY LOST YOUR MOTHER
No matter the age we are when a mother dies, our lives are irreparably altered. The loss brings with it deep pain, but also difficult questions around identity and a shift of meaning in our lives. The inner upheaval, can be devastating – accompanied by a sense of unreality or disbelief and difficulty with acceptance of a world that does not have her in it.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO WALK THROUGH IT ALONE
As a motherless daughter, I get the profound and unyielding pain that can accompany the loss of one’s mother and the longing that can remain in your heart for the comforts and nurturing that never was or is no longer there. If you are hurting and struggling with this kind of deeply rooted pain, you do not need to walk through it alone. I’ve walked the path, I know the way back home to a more whole and vibrant you.